Everyone wonders what the meaning of life is...
I thought about it from time to time too...
But now I'm starting to wonder more along the lines of what it means to live.

Everyone says to live it up while you're young...
But as I look around at those who are following in that light...
I see that their futures don't look so bright.

The people that have known me throughout my life know that I have always worked my ass off to achieve the highest...
To be what I want to be...
They know that I've always cared about my future.

But as each day goes by...
it all seems to be changing...
especially this past month.


I've diagnosed myself with depression.

I may not be a doctor...
but if you knew what has been going on with me lately...
you'd probably agree.


I thought it was getting better as things started to fall into place more...
but now I see that it hasn't.


Even though I am happier with my life and the way it's going...
I think I'm still really worried about my future...
I'm at a loss of what to do...
who to trust...
where to go...
and so much more.

I'm afraid of what I feel:
loneliness...
when I have so many near to me.


I'm starting to wonder more on what's going to happen in my life rather than planning it out.

There is so much going on I don't know where to start to get back on track...
Though I keep taking the steps I need to get it done...
It seems there is still so much more ahead that I can't control.


School?

Jobs?

And with the economy as it is...
how am I to tell what can happen next?

9% of people in the world are jobless now...
More and more people are losing their homes...
and I fear for my family now too.

A single mother supporting her two children...
In a nice house to boot!
Plus we have my younger sister's boyfriend living with us...
He pays rent... but it's still hard for her...
and I know it.

I've been planning on moving out...
I need an escape...
but I fear the things I'll leave behind will fall apart without my knowledge.
I fear what the future holds for me with the way it's been going...
I fear for everyone...

Yet with all this feeling for everyone around me...
I still feel conceiled away from the world...
as if I walk alone...

stranded.

What does it mean to live?

Is this how it is supposed to be?

Everyone discriminating anyone based on anything;
How we look...
What we believe in...
How we live...
Where we work...
What we say...
Who we love...
and even by our mistakes.

People need to learn to listen more...
to get to know others before jumping to conclusions...
and even if you know the person, to still be open minded.

I feel most people have become deaf.
Not because they can't hear...
But because they refuse to.

I've been listening all along...
Though it may not be processed right away...
but now that my brain has churned everything and it's worked itself out...
I don't know how to act on it.


I'm confused...
Lost...
Am I alone...?

Or do you see it too?